1. It's been 12 years since I left India. Indian adverts still make me cry and feel homesick. As do 'diaspora' books - Indian authors abroad who write about life outside India. And I know this is an unpopular sentiment, if you love it you could come back/ why did you leave it/ blah blah blah. Whatever. I live abroad, I have my reasons and I have every right to be as nostalgic as I want, thanks very much.
2. My friend once told me that with everything she tries to take the moderate view. When I was younger (read 20's) I took very strong views about everything. I sort of told it like it was, misguidedly believing that hearing the truth, no matter how painful, was better. With age, the 30's, I still have strong views and I'd rather have the unpalatable truth told to me than not. The change however is that I now get that other people aren't me and don't necessarily always want extreme views/ my truth/ any opinions. That each person has a different threshold/ view/ moderation to their beliefs. That my truth isn't necessarily someone else's. It's been the greatest change in my personality.
3. All this thinking has been a bit of an out of body experience. Recently some of our very dearest friends had a baby boy. A little bundle of hanging cheeks and big eyes. I've only seen him on Skype/ FaceTime but I think about him a lot. I can't wait to see him. When we were younger we hung out with this couple a Lot. You always imagine/ picture / lean towards the future but in that moment you don't realistically see yourself leading this grown up life. I could always see V and I together (we were both young, wistful and real people) but I never once saw how amazing my Kid would be or what a wild ride parenthood promises. It's quite the reverse now. So some days I look back at pictures of us back then and to me they seem like someone else's life. And yet here we are, done with those young years, tempering our extreme views (just me) and living out these lives as best we can.
4. I did the stupidest thing by trying to rectify my very bad haircut by going elsewhere and cutting it yet shorter. Of course on the day it looked great but my god it's now the very worst it has ever looked (bar one particular instance in high school). Now I can't even tie it back a bit. Less bird nest, more electric shock. Picture it. Or shut your eyes and change the topic to avoid thinking about it.
5. It would seem I cry more, keep my opinions to myself more and my fading memories are turning sepia and belong to an entirely different person. Add the terrible haircut to the mix and I am turning into a little (ok ok, fat yet little) middle aged lady. All that's missing is a serious mid-life crisis activity.
"So some days I look back at pictures of us back then and to me they seem like someone else's life." This. My kids recently pulled out a stash of photos and I look at some of the 'old' ones even five to seven years ago, before the kids, and I look like and was a different person.ReplyDelete
Yes. Not only do I / we look different (and that's something I think I imagined vaguely) but I think I / we are different (in ways I never imagined). It's the personality change I can't get my head around. Bad haircuts I should just be used to.ReplyDelete
I'm dying to cut my hair but memories of bad haircuts loom, I feel you.ReplyDelete
Ouch about the hair. Hope it grows back rather quickly.ReplyDelete
PS:I was trying to find the earlier comment I had left and couldnt and now cannot remember whether I did leave that comment or did I just say what I wanted to say in my head