Monday, November 23, 2015

(Not so) New Rumblings

1. It's a blog lethal combination. Can't be arsed to write = lazy. Can't think of what to write = blank mind. Can't write certain things = secret/ None of anyone's business. The feeling is one of haphazard lethargy combined with the terror of losing my words. This month of writing nothing much but writing everyday is helping but I fear unsustainable.

2. It's been a busy year. Eyes wide open country moves that have been physically easy but mentally a challenge for a small person. Extreme sadness and helplessness at the illness of a loved one on the other side of the world. Support of family and friends who have lost their loved ones, from long distance messages and thoughts I hope cross oceans and find a small place in their hearts. 

3. Hand wringing sadness and anger at the way humans treat each other and that in this, 2015, there is war and starvation and inhumanity both politically and at the individual level. And yet how here life in the real world carries on. There is school, attempts at socialising, work, FaceTime, multiple visitors from around the world and Kid to keep me entertained. Beside trying to teach him about his great advantage in being born to us and in this situation and the fact that this too is fleeting and could be snatched away in a second (all without the gore of hard world violence just yet), I'm constantly being pulled in various directions and efforts to help. Some of these efforts are so minute and basic that I can only hope they join in the goodness of other people and weave themselves into a blanket of goodness, kindness and all the ~ness' essential in making the word safer, better and infinitely kinder. It is hard not to despair but it is certainly harder to ignore. And that can only be a good thing. 

4. A milestone birthday that was celebrated gently by my wonderful V and Kid, RT&P; with a short trip to Bangkok (scene of my childhood) to revisit the two things I remembered from then - the reclining Buddha and the building we lived in (both exactly as my memory preserved). We ate marvellous meals and laughed and swam and talked and shopped and had amazing massages and river cruises. It was exactly the day I wanted it to be. Full of smiles and the ability to be thankful for having got here in one piece and living this life. 

5. I've taken a serious step back from technology. Actually that is misleading. I mean wasteful technology. Yes I'm blogging a lot more and writing a lot more but the phone gazing in the darkness and hours of rubbish Tv are gone. No technology at the table while Kid and I eat our early dinner. I keep my phone away when he is around and I'm the better for it. I'm practicing what I preach, he gets no screen time during the week and I've cut way way back. And even on weekends I remind V to put his phones away and play play play. This is in no way giving us the feeling of being righteous (comment I hear echoing in people's heads) but instead the feeling of being present. And I can see Kid notices it. I want to continue this as long as I can. Till it's the everyday. 

7. I leave you with two pictures:

Top floor corner flat. Home in my early years. 

Utter peace and tranquility on this reclining Buddha's face. 

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