Or why I am so bugged at not being a good vegetarian.
I am not naturally a competitive person where other people are involved. To be honest I'm not even that competitive with myself.
In the workplace I always had pride in achievement but never with the aim of climbing any career ladders I'm afraid. And this is not a judgement of people who are quite keen on the ladder climbing (whom I stare at with awe). More a reflection on my own mushroom like ambition gene.
I can safely say that in all my working years I did well, progressed steadily and thoroughly enjoyed my jobs. Did I ever have a burning ambition to be the boss? I'm pretty certain never is the honest answer.
In my Other life I have interests and an interesting, pretty peaceful existence. The only challenge I do give myself are my yearly resolutions. And the reason for this is because I think about what they are going to be for a fair while before the new year. I think about how my last year went and what I would like to change in my situation to make the year ahead better for me and my family . In past years I have fared quite well, striving hard and thinking and acting upon about my decisions with some seriousness.
Its not much to ask of oneself I think, to keep my very few resolutions. But this year I have failed spectacularly on the meat eating count. And although it's nowhere near the end of the world, this failure to stick with something is very bothersome. In my mind it's a (blown out of proportion) measure of how I can't achieve even the simplest of asks. It's symptomatic of how lazy I am becoming in my old age I think, how little control I am striving for over my own life. I'm being foolish and self-pitying I know, but at the end of the day it is my will power gone wrong. I want these resolutions to mean something. To be the measure against which I work myself. To provide a yardstick by which my life moves forward in the most positive way.
We are on a marvellous holiday and true to form I have enjoyed being a non-vegetarian to the hilt. I had accounted for this holiday and ones coming ahead, perfectly legitimate excuses. But not for the other everyday giving in to my meat eating cravings.
I am hoping that my will power will be waiting patiently by the door when we get home Thursday night. I can be a pescatarian. I know I can.