Tomorrow

I've just returned, a little tipsy, from a steak dinner with V. There is apparently no other window of opportunity for us to go and mourn/ celebrate my turning Old for many a month to come. 

I read an article from the New York Times about turning 40 recently and while the woman seemed to be succinctly putting down my thoughts I found one particularly catching. 

It was the one that said that we are 95 percent the same as everybody else and only 5 percent unique. I've been having this thought for over a year now and it's got me depressed to say the least. I've always thought of myself, of us, as more unique than just 5pc. I mean 5 pc, what is that, nothing right?! A year or so ago I realised we were all just ordinary, human and misguided and not unique at all as I had imagined I was heartbroken. This thought made me so so sad and was my thought of rumination for many an evening over this past year. I didn't come to any fine conclusions or positions to refute this. But as a coping with my grief method I think I internalised this pain of ordinariness and moved on. 

Tomorrow I'll wake up to a busy but oh so ordinary day. I don't know what I can do or what anyone could say to convince me that that 5percent of uniqueness is enough to live a full and happy life. I'm struggling with the ordinariness of me as a person - I'll be the first to admit it - but have not the slightest of clue as to what I can take this final year of my 30s and do with it. 

I'll have to ruminate some more over something chocolate. Wish me, won't you?!