Monday, July 14, 2014

Tomorrow

I've just returned, a little tipsy, from a steak dinner with V. There is apparently no other window of opportunity for us to go and mourn/ celebrate my turning Old for many a month to come. 

I read an article from the New York Times about turning 40 recently and while the woman seemed to be succinctly putting down my thoughts I found one particularly catching. 

It was the one that said that we are 95 percent the same as everybody else and only 5 percent unique. I've been having this thought for over a year now and it's got me depressed to say the least. I've always thought of myself, of us, as more unique than just 5pc. I mean 5 pc, what is that, nothing right?! A year or so ago I realised we were all just ordinary, human and misguided and not unique at all as I had imagined I was heartbroken. This thought made me so so sad and was my thought of rumination for many an evening over this past year. I didn't come to any fine conclusions or positions to refute this. But as a coping with my grief method I think I internalised this pain of ordinariness and moved on. 

Tomorrow I'll wake up to a busy but oh so ordinary day. I don't know what I can do or what anyone could say to convince me that that 5percent of uniqueness is enough to live a full and happy life. I'm struggling with the ordinariness of me as a person - I'll be the first to admit it - but have not the slightest of clue as to what I can take this final year of my 30s and do with it. 

I'll have to ruminate some more over something chocolate. Wish me, won't you?! 

5 comments:

  1. Aw 5% is not that bad. It's like the cherry on top.

    Happy Birthday!

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  2. Anonymous6:20 PM

    Happy Birthday!

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  3. Anonymous12:35 PM

    Same pinch and Happy Birthday sweetheart. I turned the big 39 too a few months ago and dunno how it's supposed to go until I hit the big 40:-)

    Hang in there and you'll think of something to make it fun, enjoyable if not fireworks worthy exciting. Rumination is good, if nothing it allows you to absorb whatever it is you're angst-ing about and get it over with.

    Deepa

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  4. Happy Birthday. Enjoy the last year of your 30s and am sure you are more than 5% unique !!

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  5. I'm sure it must be definitely more than 5% unique! Maybe 50-50! On the other hand, remember the joy and fellow feeling we share when we find somebody a lot like ourselves? So maybe uniqueness is not all that it's cracked up to be , after all! Meanwhile, happy birthday! And 40 is still a year away!

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