Resolution fail - 2

Or why I am so bugged at not being a good vegetarian.

I am not naturally a competitive person where other people are involved. To be honest I'm not even that competitive with myself.

In the workplace I always had pride in achievement but never with the aim of climbing any career ladders I'm afraid. And this is not a judgement of people who are quite keen on the ladder climbing (whom I stare at with awe). More a reflection on my own mushroom like ambition gene.

I can safely say that in all my working years I did well, progressed steadily and thoroughly enjoyed my jobs. Did I ever have a burning ambition to be the boss? I'm pretty certain never is the honest answer.

In my Other life I have interests and an interesting, pretty peaceful existence. The only challenge I do give myself are my yearly resolutions. And the reason for this is because I think about what they are going to be for a fair while before the new year. I think about how my last year went and what I would like to change in my situation to make the year ahead better for me and my family . In past years I have fared quite well, striving hard and thinking and acting upon about my decisions with some seriousness.

Its not much to ask of oneself I think, to keep my very few resolutions. But this year I have failed spectacularly on the meat eating count. And although it's nowhere near the end of the world, this failure to stick with something is very bothersome. In my mind it's a (blown out of proportion) measure of how I can't achieve even the simplest of asks. It's symptomatic of how lazy I am becoming in my old age I think, how little control I am striving for over my own life. I'm being foolish and self-pitying I know, but at the end of the day it is my will power gone wrong. I want these resolutions to mean something. To be the measure against which I work myself. To provide a yardstick by which my life moves forward in the most positive way.

We are on a marvellous holiday and true to form I have enjoyed being a non-vegetarian to the hilt. I had accounted for this holiday and ones coming ahead, perfectly legitimate excuses. But not for the other everyday giving in to my meat eating cravings.

I am hoping that my will power will be waiting patiently by the door when we get home Thursday night. I can be a pescatarian. I know I can.

Resolution fail - 1

Turns out I had only two resolutions for 2012. Eating less meat and shedding my need for and actual things that seemed to be crowding our lives.

It turns out that I am pretty rubbish at following through in the most absolute sense. Let's talk about the less meat one.

In January I was very good. I ate a lot more fish than I imagined I would and thought a lot more about what I was putting in my body (a temple though this is not). I was a pescatarian and opened up some of my dusty cookbooks to look for interesting meals to conjure from veggies. It was a good month for resolution keeping and a victory for pescatarian-ness everywhere (the fish disagree!).

February however is a whole different kettle of fish. Or should I say skewer of meat. I ate chicken and lamb and pork at a Korean new year celebration. It's the year of the dragon, special occasion and all that. Then I met a group of friends for a delightful evening (post to follow) and ate lamb amongst other meats. Then I ate leftover chicken gyoza from Wagamama, all kinds of meat at two Chinese meals at my very favourite Royal China and sheekh rolls on two occasions. I had excuses for all these but even to me none of these excuses ring credible. it was mainly down to laziness (not cooking, choosing easiest option) and greed (smelt so so good).

This evening we went out for the evening to a new restaurant in our area - a speciality steak house whose Mayfair branch had us mesmerised a few years ago. So babysitter installed, all dressed up I went of for date night with V. And although I dressed it up with spinach and mushrooms and truffle chips in essence I ate a giant tender succulent fillet steak. It was divine and I am happy as a clam. The pescatarian references roll off my tongue with ease.

And this weekend we are off on holiday and I fully intend to eat whatever is on offer, meat or not. I seem to be unable to make myself a pescatarian in February. I am missing the 'won't power gene I guess. I have to try harder. So on this resolution I would say so far resounding 'fail'.

I intend to think about this though because I know that when I set it and wrote it I meant it. I have to remind myself of my motivations and think about what I want to achieve. Maybe I am not as sick of meat as I thought or ready to embrace the true pescatarian lifestyle just yet.

We'll talk about the materialism resolution tomorrow.

Moment in time

Up at unearthly o'clock with the Teething Toddler who demanded 'another cup' of water on this cold dry English night. Trod on strategically placed racing cars on way to kitchen to get the water and checked the BBC news on my phone instead of watching where I walked. I stumbled over a car as I read about the death of Whitney Houston.

Just yesterday, on our way to a birthday party, the radio was blaring every ballad to commemorate valentines day and whitney's 'I will always love you' came on. We both laughed about how much we loved her music no matter how corny it could be.

And then to hear this news. I am a Big Time fan I would say. I know the tunes and the lyrics. I am always amazed anew by the clarity and heft and sheer power of her voice. I am not ashamed to say I listened to a LOT of her music growing and grown up. Tomorrow at breakfast I am going to put on a CD of her greatest hits and use the amp and speakers in her honour. Whatever her problems may have been it is a shame and a waste to have been taken so early. RIP Whitney. I will always love you.

S.N.O.W

Out for a walk this morning in the smattering of snow. Followed by divine Japanese lunch. This is the good life.

February the first

Blistering cold day today. Deceptively blue sunny skies. We had to retreat for an extra layer and missing gloves before venturing to yet another play activity.

The joy of living in a glass box though is that all afternoon we built imaginary and real block forts on our living room carpet bathed in sunshine and shielded from the worst of the cold.

Hot avocado paranthas with yogurt for dinner - a new found use for avocado that is popular with my child and me.

An early night turn in to try and cure my past few nights of insomnia, brought on by Vs absence. On the plus side I'm catching up on lots of programs on the iPad and getting through my stack of library books at great speed.

A good start to February. I'm pleased with 2012 so far.