Wednesday, June 15, 2005

A new journey

A month from today I will be 30 years old. I have to say that turning 30 is not my dream come true despite what people say about it being the best decade of ones life. And despite my trying to talk myself into this positive frame of mind, all I can think is: I’ll never be 20-something again. It’s somehow a far harder realisation than turning 20 when all I wanted to be was ‘more grown-up, responsible, have a life of my own etc’. All things that seemed so naively charming then, were often worrying as they happened and are so distant now.

The past few days have brought a personal wave of panic and doubt. Despite all the milestones I have accomplished or thought I was supposed to accomplish, I’m questioning prior decisions and worrying about those yet to be made. (Yes, that’s me – professional worrywart and the queen of tense brows)

With few and far exceptions I think I’ve followed the script (yes, sad boring old me still beleives there's a script!)to the letter – college, something of a career and a solid marriage. With 30 right here, right now whats the next thing - where is my copy of ‘30s for Dummies’?

There is yet more pressure to be looked forward to in my 30’s. My career path needs some polishing up (first step taken by leaving my old job and concentrating on finding my next one). I need to learn to drive and buy a cool car. Buy a house and decorate it till it feels like home. Buy lottery tickets till I strike it rich. Travel around the world some more. I know in my heart that all this ‘pressure’ will eventually dissipate and become realities that are wonderous and joyful, but till they do it’s with mild tremors of trepidation that I am looking ahead.

One of the sure pieces of knowledge I will take into my 30’s is this: I have a lot of questions and I don’t have all of the answers. I’m nowhere near any of my goals but I know that the important thing is to keep striving towards them. So I’m not where I thought I would be at 30 but I am having a wonderful journey.

5 comments:

  1. I agree. The 30s aren't something I look forward to either (I am four years away). Life gets more complicated and difficult and stressful over time. Once you have cleared your early 20s (a.k.a college), things become more intense. Can't be carefree, worry about things like taxes and the ilk. Sorry, depressing comment, but unfortunately, I ended up agreeing with what you said

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  2. Atleast someone agrees and does not think that the pressure is just all in my head! Thanx Parth.
    As for being 4 years away from 30 -oh you lucky thing, make the most of this time! I wish I could say that they become less intense, but alas they don't. Maybe things or my perspective on them will change when I turn 30 - or maybe not. Either way I'll need the mantra to make sure life does not feel like living in a pressure cooker!

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  3. Hey buddy!

    It's all in your head...you're as old as you feel. My husband Sid also turns 30 on the same day as you and has been worrying about turning "old"! :-)

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  4. Kya bataien Tan....my mum keeps telling me the same - its all in the head. It's alright for some who are still 18 in their minds and hearts. Maybe I'll feel younger after I turn 30....go in reverse and feel younger with every passing year or some such thing. For the moment I seriously doubt it though!

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  5. Shuggie10:50 PM

    I agree its all in the head.
    I turn 30 in a few months, and the only thought occupying my mind is where is my wife going to take me (we have this thing..don't ask)

    30in2005 lighten up, there's a whole generation of us going there, we'll see you in your cool car

    Parth - why are you even thinking about this.

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