Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Keeping up Appearances: 2007 reflections & 2008 hopes

Happy New Year!

If you were watching from the outside 2007 worked like a dream for me. A great job, exemplary new friends, much travel, a home beautification project, good food (and lots of it), the motivation to stay with the gym and finally, mostly healthy yet always endlessly loving families to boot. I really should not be complaining.

But although on its surface 2007 was an exemplary year in reality it’s the year I have least liked in this entire decade. The one I most want to forget. This is not an easy thing to explain. In many ways and on most days this year I have felt some level of frustration, anger, anxiety and sadness. It’s been a bit like being on a scary fairground carousel that slows down but never quite stops to let you off. I have felt sadness like never before and for no real singular reason. And not deep dark bouts of dreary depressing sadness but nonetheless there, spread just under the surface of my skin, manifesting as occasional pins and needles. I don’t explain it well. But I have thought long and hard about it during this 10 day break and talked at poor V till I think I know it’s ins and outs. Had long e-mail banters and conversations with two of my best buddies from school, people who know me well enough to deal with any crisis, who dealt with mine lovingly and firmly. I feel calmer and brighter and more hopeful than I have in a long long while. I’ve decided for the purposes of this blog that I don’t want to dwell on it at all. Just note it so I never forget how happy I am to be leaving 2007 behind.

I do take away two things I am utterly proud of in 2007. One of them is not losing my motivation for the gym. I owe some of this to a latent will-power that seems to have blossomed late in life but most of it to V who smiles, encourages, gently prods and keeps pace with me. 73 weeks on I am still going with as much cheer and hope as I can possibly muster. As for the waking up before sunrise to do so, that is something only my dad can truly appreciate.

The other is managing to make and keep a few birthday resolutions. The one about eating new exciting food by and finding my lost love of cooking new things has worked well. I have a few gorgeous new cookbooks and while I experiment on V and myself each week, I also put them to good use catering for our New Years party where for the first time ever I made ALL the hot snacks instead of ordering in. I didn’t lose the 15 kilo’s I resolved to but I guess I need something to do in 2008. The final and hardest resolution I made was about cutting out people from my life who were clearly in it for their benefit alone. It was one of the hardest things to do and has been done so subtly that I am sure many of those people have not even realized it. But make no mistake I have done it and in some small measure I feel better and brighter for having the gumption to finally take control of my life. I know I am truly richer for it.

We are no longer keeping up appearances. Of either the weight kind or the people kind.

Bring it on 2008.

9 comments:

  1. 73 weeks is unbelievable! I guess it's become a habit now, one that's hard to let go of :)
    Happy new year to you and may those resolutions stick!

    ReplyDelete
  2. You could have been reading my mind. Technically speaking 2007 has been a great year - some accomplishments, many positives - but never have the blues struck so hard. For that reason, I am glad 2007 is over. And am hoping I do a better job with 2008. Do the things I want to do, not get pushed around and most importantly - not be walked all over.

    Hope you both have a lovely 2008!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Anonymous1:35 AM

    SilentOne

    But you do explain it well. I love such writing - where the writer doesn't reveal exactly whats going on in their life, yet as we read the post it gives us an idea of the mood or atmosphere..

    Have a great 2008 and what motivation, girl about the gym. I am totally rubbish - go religiously one week and then dont go for three !!!!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Chakli1:50 AM

    Happy New Year! I hope that 2008 is a wonderful year for you!

    I can relate to the sentiments you have expressed here. I feel the same way.

    ReplyDelete
  5. One of your regular reads9:44 PM

    Happy New Year to you!

    You may not know, I have printed off one of your posts and keep reading them time to time. It is that post abt your b'day resolutions (cutting the ppl bit). It was a sort of eye opener for me when I read that post and I realised that I am also in the same situation as you and your resolution could help me as well.

    ReplyDelete
  6. Its good to see you committed to your gyming routine. It can especially get tough if the results are slow to come about. All the best for 2008 and hope all your resolutions come through.

    ReplyDelete
  7. Sounds like you achieved a lot, despite the blues. Hope that 2008 is a well-behaved year for us all:)
    Your 73 week record sounds great, too. Keep up the good work.

    ReplyDelete
  8. Your gym schedule stands out of it all. Hmm, if only I could follow that myself.

    Have a great year. Cheers!!

    ReplyDelete
  9. Shub: Yes, I can't quite believe it either. I'm hoping my resolutions stick.

    Neha: All the best with that plan!

    SO: Thanks for the compliments! It does not matter how many times you don't go only how many times you do. Don't be hard on yourself - you'll fall into a routine eventually...

    Chakli: May 2008 give you everything you wish for.

    Regular reader: WOW! I have to say that writing that post was only half the liberation - doing it was a whole new level. Cut out the unimportant all-over-walkers (even one) and you will feel your shoulders straighten!

    Parth: Thanks! I hope to keep it up and for some results to begin showing themselves! I am counting on it...

    Dipali: Counting on 2008 to be better behaved....

    J: You are back - YAY! Must update my blogroll! Happy New Year!

    ReplyDelete