Monday, January 15, 2007

the mojo one

In the past 15 days I have not been blogging (with the exception of the tag) because I’ve been searching for politeness. And my mojo. Since the start of this year increasingly my mood has darkened and all I want to use my blog for is to rant and rail against various people and the world in general. Of course I cannot do that because I am simply not that person – and because I am hoping it’s a phase that shall soon pass. I must admit that it has taken all my willpower not to yell lately, to say things I know I will not mean in a while but seem real right now and I will definitely regret later. Simply not blogging was the simplest way to simmer down.

So it’s 2007. And I’m hoping that at work (and in life) we’re all done with the chirpy New Year’s greetings and story exchanges of how wonderful their break from work was. Yada yada yada. I know I should be a bit happier at the start of a NEW year but I can’t help feeling this bit blue. And the reason for this unhappiness is ironic. Really. It’s mainly because 2006 was such a fantastic year that I really can’t see how 2007 can beat it. I’ve decided that maybe talking about 2006 will help me focus on how to better cope with 2007.

2006 was the year it all happened for me. So many things came to pass that it seemed almost like the climax of a summer movie where all the trails and tribulations are overcome, hurdles thunderously hurdled over, before the characters walk into the sunset and a wonderful life. In 2006 I felt most at peace with myself and the world than at any other time in what I remember of my 30 preceding years. At work I finally figured out what I wanted to do, chased what I was looking for and loved every minute at my incredible job. In love, V and I celebrated 15 year of having first met and then 5 years of blissful marriage. We finally bought bricks&mortar to surround us and joined (and kept to) a gym to get the ‘us’ in good health. We did our house up with love, care and tasteful d├ęcor all to make it into a warm and safe home. I watched my family prosper after years of not – mainly my joy is at seeing my parents in exciting jobs which make them smilingly happy and satisfied – and I am convinced that all our waiting and good deeds finally paid off. And each day of the year I watched my brother grow into a wonderful responsible human being that makes me proud to be his sister. I learnt to finally banished all the demons and people from my life that plagued me. I learnt to not hanker after 'friendships' where the giving was all mine and I was blatently hanging on for no good reason. I finally understood why a few good friends are a far better deal than a load of so called ones. London and I made firm friends at long long last, after 4 years of tetchy battles. I decided to be firm in my convictions, steady in my plan and to always listen to my instincts – and all those things stood me in good stead. I reached a good place in my head and heart, a satisfied place, a tranquil place, a place where each morning it’s great to wake up.

There is almost no way to beat all the goodness of 2006. And 2007 has not yet inspired much confidence. I know this dark mood and all these irritants will disappear with the spring sun and a wave of my hand. I just can’t see it just yet. I want 2007 to be satisfying, like the aftertaste of a tasty meal, if not special, but I fear that sometimes all my hoping for too much will jinx it all. I want the joys of 2006 to linger and not be swept away in an instant.

Over the past 15 days I have felt my mojo slip away along with the quiet confidence of a good year gone by - for no apparent reason other than the stretch of year ahead of me. On Thursday evening I went for dinner with colleagues and visitors and on our route home we decided to show them some of the sights from Waterloo Bridge. So at 10pm we walked around the lit up ice rink set in majestic Somerset House on the Strand before setting off for the Bridge and Waterloo Station just south of it. As we walked on to the bridge on a clear and mild winter night the view just took my breath away. I’ve walked over this bridge many a time in the past 4&something years but never at night. It was a sight to behold. All those grand buildings and landmarks that draw people to London, all lit up, shiny and sparkling and ethereal. Big Ben framed by the London Eye. Houses of Parliament. NFT. Shell. St. Pauls. RAF Church. Gherkin. Oxo tower. South Bank. Bobbing boats on the Thames. The old and the new. The shiny and the matt. I’ve seen it all before, at night even. Just never with these eyes and in this somber mood. And suddenly in one instant it was back. My mojo. Uplifted by the sparkly twinkly beauty of London’s grand skyline.

In that one moment I knew 2007 will be just fine.

15 comments:

  1. Anonymous9:47 PM

    A beautiful post - it's come from deep down your heart, hasn't it?!

    Here's wishing 2007 will be even better than 2006.

    - Sunil

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  2. actually only applying for the second round, so we won't hear from LBS for ages (seems like)...glad to hear you've got your mojo back, after being so relentlessly cheerful on my blog, it seemed so wrong to hear you sounding down.

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  3. Did you have your camera to capture the moment???? : )

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  4. I say, this post was so soothing. Here's hoping for a year that will turn out even better.

    Stay happy. Cheers!!

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  5. Good to see how the human spirit goes through upheavals and triumphs in the end. Hope 2007 brings all that you want.

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  6. I know how you feel and all the best to you and your "V" for 2007.

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  7. sometimes little things like that is all it takes isn't it? Here's to an even better 2007 :) *clink*

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  8. I have always found the whole New Year thing so over-rated. There is just so much pressue. First to have a New Year's Eve experience worth talking about and then to have a plan and resolutions for the next year. Just take it as it comes...

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  9. I know the feeling ..whenever things go really well ..I start getting wary of things to come. Am sure 2007 will turn out just fine.

    That bit along the Thames is so pretty at night. We keep planning to go on an evening out to take pictures.. but too cold and windy to set up tripod and try patience. Maybe a few months later.

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  10. Sunil: Yes, like every post. Thank you.

    Beks: being relentlessly cheerful is an outward thing - and mostly its theraputic!

    Mint chutney: Nope, I never have my camera with me. Shall attempt it soon as I have to drag my hubby along for this walk.

    John: I hope so too but fear it may be too much to ask of one year. Cheers.

    Parth: 2006 brought me all I wanted. 2007 shall have to be mighty special to beat that! As for human spirit - thank goodness for its resiliance!

    MumbaiGirl: Do you? Really? Thank you. I hope 2007 brings you both good cheer and much joy.

    Shub: I still can't believe that a walk I have done a gazillion times before would be the moment. Fine 2007, yes of course. Even better 2007, we shall have to see.

    Rohini: I love New Years and all the celebrations around it - like a birthday party for time. And we had a blast of a party to usher it in. And I have resolutions galore that I stick to like glue. For me its anticipation of what the year will bring...and the weather, that bring me down.

    Pea: Yeah, I'm panicking and melancholy all at once. In 350 days I shall wonder why the hell I was so worried. That walk is incredible on a clear sky, starry, uncrowded week night. Much recommended.

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  11. Hey here is hoping that the 2007 is as good as or even better than 2006

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  12. Yes, I do, for reasons I can't go into!

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  13. Anonymous1:57 AM

    i can think of a way to make 2007 memorable...follow in my and our cousin's footsteps!!! call me...40in2006

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  14. well I am glad the post ended the way it did, and your year has finally begun the way it has- a mojo rediscovery is excellent!
    cheers:)

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  15. WA: I am hoping the same.

    Mgirl: You give me perpetual hope!

    40in2006: NO, I don't think so and NO, I shall not call you because this is one conversation we don't need to have.

    Shakester: Well the year is well on its way and things are looking up although it's not as fantastic as last time this year. Thank goodness for my mojo. And I have to stop comparing....

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