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Things that are currently annoying me:
1. People with more than one child who hold both the holier-than-thou stance and the 'I have too much on my plate; it's much harder to coordinate with two/ three' stance. No shit. Not your business that I have 1. Frankly don't care if you have 6.
2. Misspoken words: I've been accused of this recently in regard to holiday plans and its led to an all out fight from which yours truly quickly has now clammed up and retreated. I know I am right but shouting it louder won't get me the result I want. Turns out I don't have to be an idiot just because everyone else is. I'm all zen.
3. Stupid swimming pool rules which say there must be 2 lifeguards by the pool at all times. This means no early morning or late evening swims - too costly apparently - and its too hot the rest of the time. This is my way of letting of steam - 50 lengths - and as I don't have it these days I have this blog to shout at. Not sure what the lifeguards will be saving me from anyway - they are too busy looking at their phones.
4. Predominantly white women's clubs - or rather the assumption that if we are of Indian descent we possibly couldn't be any fun socially. I swear, the amount of time I have invested in friendships and relationships is turning out to be so not worth it. Watching as people I thought were friends go out to lunches and the like in big groups but exclude me is painful. This has been a problem for a few months now. Luckily I moved past it and stuck to my small group of pals (which in itself needs a lot of effort) till this week I was invited to coffee by one lady who proceeded to tell me that normally she would have invited x y and z but since they have left for the summer she is lonely (and the unspoken assumption is that she invited me only because I am still here). I wish I could say I am imagining all this being slighted but no it's all too real.
5. Demanding quality: I've seen this happen recently. A product and service being paid for and a crap job being done with it and no one saying anything because it's a pal that did it. People not taking responsibility and blaming me/ us for things not working. Ruining friendships is what going into business with or relying on a friend has done. And in both cases my reaction has been disproportionate to the situation. Like V says I have to think of these things as monetary transactions and not get emotionally bound within them.
Maybe it's me. It probably is. But frankly I don't give a damn. Also now that I'm a curmudgeonly 40 I don't think there is much scope for change.
No. 4 is something I've only recently managed to articulate though I implicitly knew it early one and basically stopped making an effort. My closest friends are Indians because I don't have the patience for the work that it takes to get into their inner circle.
ReplyDeleteWhen we talked about it recently, my friend said that this is specific to Hong Kong. She's lived in the US and didn't have a similar problem.
Now that I think about it No. 4 has not been true in any of the previous cities I've lived in. And I all this time I was thinking it was me being grumpy/ less friendly. All friendships take effort and I've always been happy to make it. I have wonderful friends from every continent in both London and Singapore. HK seems a bit more cliquish by ethnicity or perceived appropriate-ness.
ReplyDeleteMaybe it's time we meet ;)
DeleteBut having said that, just thinking about my own situation, I'm wondering whether for the first group of peeps, it may be that those people are in a similar situation to me... that is, unable for various reasons to hang out consistently. One of our friends recently accused us of only planning things when they initiate it - which I think is annoying because V was convinced that they didn't want to hang out because they never make plans. Anyway, I explained to that friend that my husband is so antisocial that he doesn't want to hang out more than once a month. So in my case, it's once a month with that core group, once a month date night with V, once a month invariably someone is in town. Which kind of leaves only one free weekend for anyone else new because I refuse to hang out on weekdays. However, I'm suddenly convinced that I should schedule that free weekend and see some new people or even just go out myself if V refuses to, which hitherto I'd sometimes tended to just let slide.
Wow didn't know it was this tough to make nice pals in HK. That must be rough on you considering you only moved recently to the city. I've only lived in various cities across the U.S. myself(outside India that is) but find that while certain socioeconomic groups are very cliquish(read: some filthy rich women whose kiddos go to same school as my son) others, regardless of ethnicity are quite open to new friendships provided you find some common ground with them. What has made it a little difficult for me is that with age I'm getting a bit too particular with peeps. But that's entirely my bad, not theirs:-)
ReplyDeleteHere's hoping you find your tribe very soon or if not a tribe then even just a couple of gals as open, enthu and fun as you are.
Deepa
Wrote a reply and its disappeared! I was saying, Deepa, that I do have a very small group of friends here, fun but only enthusiastic when I push them to it - it's a lot of hard work. With this other group the exclusivity and snobbery is a bit inexplicable because there is really nothing to demarcate us beside the fact that I have 1 kid and they have more and/ or my ethnicity. In London and in Singapore I made a shed load of lovely friends of all colours, shapes and sizes. Incredible women who like me call a different country their home from the one they were born in. It was all about sailing forth together regardless of where we came from - sharing in the experience of exploring a new culture or just having a few laughs or educating ourselves about a culture not our own. Whereas here it seems to be about sailing forth without anyone else on the boat that isn't exactly like us.
ReplyDelete